SAUCY SECRETS: I think my neighbour is doing something very dodgy, should I tell his wife?

Dear Jana,

My husband and I have become great friends with our neighbours who are a couple our age.  We catch up for verandah drinks a couple of times a month and they've always appeared to have a solid, loving relationship. 

Recently I've started working from home and my office desk faces the front of our house looking out on to the street. I've noticed that the husband comes home around lunch time some days, and a few minutes after he gets home another attractive woman arrives. 

They stay inside for roughly 30mins to an hour, and then both leave in separate cars. He's clearly having an affair. 

Should I tell his wife? My husband keeps telling me to stay out of it, but if I was the wife I would want to know.

Anonymous.

Dear Anonymous,

I say this with the greatest respect, shut your pie hole.

The problem with blowing up someone else's marriage is that you don't have all the facts before you do it. What to you may seem like a cheeky affair could be to them an open marriage. I mean, is it? Probably not, but you don't know! And therein lies the problem.

If you want to give him a subtle 'I'm on to you' scare, I would wander out and give the front lawn a good weeding or give the car a wash when you know he's arrived and she's on her way. Perhaps even introduce yourself to her and say 'Oh are you looking for (insert wife's name here)? She's not at home but I think her husband is'.

It will scare the bejesus out of them if they are up to no good. But as far as telling the wife, no. You look like a meddlesome neighbour and there's enough dibber dobbers in the world without adding to the tally.

Dear Jana, 

My partner and I recently had a threesome with a woman we met out at a bar and it was mind-blowing. Now I can't stop thinking about her. It was supposed to be a casual thing, but I've since followed her on Instagram and she's followed me back. 

She DM's me fire emoji's anytime I put a picture of myself up on stories and I kind of want to catch up just one-on-one. How do I bring this up with my partner? He knows I've always been bi-curious but it's always been something we explored together. 

I love him so much and don't want to end our relationship, but I'm desperate to explore this side of my sexuality further. Help!

Bi-curious.

Dear Bi-curious,

Ahhh I see you've discovered the dark side of a threesome. The 'oh no I've caught feelings' dilemma.

I can imagine the temptation is killing you. But guess what, people face that problem every day. Whether it's two married co-workers who discover their harmless flirting is becoming not so harmless, or the two tipsy strangers at a bar eyeing each other up and down. 

Temptations are everywhere, and it can really make our relationships come unstuck. However… you made a commitment to your fella. Yes, eww, the C-word.

So I suggest you bring it up with your partner, and let him go away and think about it. I wouldn't be expecting an answer on the spot. If he says he's not comfortable with it then you shut it down. No more fire emoji's, no more insta flirting. 

You may very well have to pick between your relationship or a night of living out your wild fantasies. Up to you. But if your relationship is as important as you say it is, then I know what I would be picking.

Dear Jana, 

I damaged my penis during a footy match and now it has a slight bend. It still works fine but I'm nervous to show a woman in case I see a look of disgust. How do I get back my confidence again? Do women really care what it looks like?

Anonymous.

Dear Anonymous,

Stop with this nonsense talk right now. Because a bent penis is most certainly not a bad thing. Some would suggest (me) that it's a jolly good thing.

Because as you've probably already discovered, a woman's G-spot is a mighty hard thing to find. Now imagine you've got a little bended guiding light at the end of your ol' fella, and you, my friend, now have a winning chance of finding it.

I mean think about the times you've used your fingers. You're not keeping them dead straight. No, that's kinda creepy. You're making them slightly curved, and that's why women often find it more enjoyable to get off in that form then with the woody woodpecker you've got down your pants.

So wear your bended 'gent' with pride, and hit those right angles with delight. A lot of women would thank you for it. Trust me.