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7 months ago
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Autistic teenager Caitlyn Scott-Lee, who took her own life at a prestigious private school, told a friend she would 'rather kill myself than go to detention', an inquest heard today.
Jonathan Scott-Lee described the 16-year-old as 'daddy's girl' whose memory will live on in the hearts of her family and friends.
The teen took her own life at the £44,000 a year Wycombe Abbey School in Buckinghamshire after being given her first ever detention in April 2023.
At the start of a three-day inquest into her death, Mr Scott-Lee was allowed to read a highly emotional pen portrait about his eldest child.
As he took his place at the front of Beaconsfield Coroner's Court, he placed her favourite stuffed toy – the 2012 Olympic mascot called Wenlock – on a desk in the front of a desk for witnesses.
A friend's statement was read to the court in which she said Caitlyn had mentioned that she would rather kill herself than have a detention, which her father said showed how 'painfully clear' it was that his daughter was 'truly literal'.
The father of autistic teenager Caitlyn Scott-Lee (pictured), who took her own life at a prestigious private school, today paid an emotional tribute to his daughter
Caitlyn is pictured with her family, as her father paid her a heartbreaking tribute today
A three-day hearing into the teenager's death began today in Beaconsfield, Buckinghamshire
Caitlyn's father Jonathan Scott-Lee (pictured) described the 16-year-old as 'daddy's girl' whose memory will live on in the hearts of her family and friends
Tara Scott-Lee, Caitlyn's mother, is pictured leaving Beaconsfield Coroners Court
Mr Scott-Lee, who had flown over from Malaysia for the inquest as he is separated from Caitlyn's mother, was also allowed to play a photo montage of his daughter accompanied by music before the start of the inquest.
The coroner, Mr Crispin Butler, adjourned the hearing after the reading to allow family members, including Caitlyn's mum Tara and grandparents, to compose themselves.
In his pen portrait Mr Scott-Lee, a banker, spoke of his pride and joy when Caitlyn was born after 16 hours labour at a hospital near their home in Windsor.
He said: 'The day was serene and perfect. She was our first born and was a daddy's girl. I took care of her, dressed her, cuddled her and soothed her.'
Mr Scott-Lee said Caitlyn would cry when he left for work but happy when he returned.
'We both did love the special daddy-daughter time,' he said.
He said the extent of her disobedience as a toddler was failing to use mouthwash when she was angry.
Caitlyn planned on studying A-levels and was considering a career in the theatre
Caitlyn Scott-Lee, 16, (pictured) was found dead at Wycombe Abbey on April 21 last year
Mr Scott-Lee, who had flown over from Malaysia for the inquest, was also allowed to play a photo montage of his daughter accompanied by music before the start of the inquest
Caitlyn was found dead the day before her first ever detention at Wycombe Abbey (pictured)
'Disobedience did not come easy,' he told the coroner's court.
Mr Scott-Lee said his daughter's autism meant that she 'loved intensely' and said he too has autism.
He spoke of his joy accompanying his daughter as she enjoyed various activities such as scuba diving, walking along the Great Wall of China and driving a car at the age of 13.
Briefly mentioning her death, he said 'most people don't want to end their life, but to stop the pain.
'Like most people, she wanted to do well in everything she signed up for. Of course, we listened to her and yielded although I wonder whether I should have more actively taught her to persevere in an imperfect world, rather than prematurely leap into a perfect heaven.
He added: 'I, her very own father, failed to help my daughter envision a life full of hope. I respect her agency while disliking her decision.'
The court was told that days before her death Caitlyn had written about killing herself in a diary she kept. She was a boarder at the school whose former pupils included the judge Dame Elizabeth Butler Sloss.
The coroner said the diary entries were contained positive and negatives such as Caitlyn looking forward to playing tennis.
The Coroner had ruled at the start of the inquest that school-friends who will give evidence will not be named.
For help, call Samaritans for free on 116 123 or visit samaritans.org
A father's emotional tribute to his daughter whose biggest act of rebellion was to not use mouthwash
THE BEGINNING
'What else Daddy? Give me more stuff, I'm like a sponge.' Caitlyn was an eager 11-year-old girl enjoying learning for its own sake. In the months before she left to begin boarding school at Wycombe Abbey, I would look forward to spending time with her on Saturday mornings taking her to tennis lessons followed by Starbucks to work on Bonds Books and Common Entrance practice papers. She didn't always enjoy the heat and humidity of Singapore tennis lessons, nor the boredom of repetitive practice tests, but we did both love the special daddy-daughter time.
Of course it wasn't always like this. Caitlyn was born in October 2006 on a beautifully crisp autumn morning at Heatherwood Hospital in Ascot. As I returned home to Windsor after a laborious 16-hour labour, I recall how beautifully sunlit, serene, and perfect the day felt.
Although I grew up in an Asian patriarchal culture, I was ecstatic to find out that my first-born would be a daughter. Caitlyn was a Daddy's girl. I took care of her, dressed her, cuddled her, fed her, and soothed her. As she grew as a toddler, there would be bitter-sweet moments where she would stand by the window of our home and cry as I left for my daily commute. Little did she know I would return each evening.
INDEPENDENCE
Caitlyn was only age six when she started to develop her independence. I once recall her proudly declare: 'Sometimes when I'm angry, I don't do my mouthwash.' That was the extent of Caitlyn's rebellion; disobedience didn't come naturally to her. As cute as that may seem from a six-year-old with a beautiful Asian-Caucasian complexion, her naivety changed little. Even as she grew into a teenager, she carried an intense desire to please those in authority.
I was particularly taken aback in Easter 2022 when I picked up Caitlyn. I sat patiently on the sofas of Wendover House waiting for my daughter to appear – unfortunately, I didn't see her coming and she side-swiped me, pretty much tackling me onto the sofa. It's a myth that people with autism don't have much emotion. We do – it's a lot – but it's amplified and it is internal! We are so often misunderstood: in fact, Caitlyn loved so, so intensely but also so, so, internally. I think about that moment a lot because I didn't realise that someone so grown up could be the exact same 4 kilograms that I picked up on the day she was born.
DEBILITATED BY PERFECTION
There was a fierce precociousness in Caitlyn's love of learning. She loved learning for its own sake preferring to take joy in interesting information rather than develop strategies to merely pass exams. In the months before her death, she would be able to name the flags of each nation; she was someone you would want on your pub quiz team!
Shortly before her GCSEs were due to begin, she wanted to drop English Literature; language skills such as inference could be challenging but moreover, she maturely pursued a love of learning over an accumulation of grades. Like most people, she wanted to do well in everything she signed up for. Of course, we listened to her and yielded although I wonder whether I should have more actively taught her to persevere in an imperfect world, rather than prematurely leap into a perfect heaven.
Yet there was a quaint charm to her perfection: Caitlyn would struggle to shop for gifts or clothing, debilitated by the spectrum of choice that the world afforded her. There would be years where Caitlyn would not gift birthday or Christmas presents… not because she didn't care, but ironically because she cared too much. She loved so intensely that some years gifts were not perfect enough, for those she loved so dearly.
A FULL LIFE
Caitlyn was so much more than autism, Wycombe Abbey, and detention. As I prepared this Pen Portrait, I catalogued hundreds of thousands of photos of Caitlyn; like Caitlyn, I also understand the world uniquely through the lens of a camera. Like Caitlyn, I am also autistic. I saw photos of Caitlyn obtaining her scuba diving licence at aged 10 in the Philippines, playing tennis in Scotland, modelling in Singapore, camping in Wales, riding helicopters in New Zealand, skiing across Japan, honing rifle marksmanship in Birmingham, driving at age 13 at Mercedes Brooklands, and hiking the Great Wall of China. Even I was surprised how full a life, Caitlyn lived in six thousand and forty one days (6,041). Rick Warren puts it well, in his book, 'The Purpose Driven Life': Life truly IS a temporary assignment. Reflecting on these images and memories bought a peaceful joy to my heart.
RELATIONSHIPS
Even as she ventured into the big wide world, she was able to do that from the comforting foundation of family. In recent years, the family foundation tragically fragmented but love continues in many forms: sisters; parents; extended family; friends; and the Wycombe Abbey community.
Relationships meant a great deal to Caitlyn. Whilst family is imposed, friends are chosen so I hold the greatest reverence, fondness, and appreciation for those fortunate to have been Caitlyn's friend. Almost daily, Caitlyn wrote about friendships – whether past, present, or even future – and these relationships were often on her mind. Now, we can hold her in our hearts.
In the months following Caitlyn's death, I live through the atomic blast radius that an unexpected death causes. Caitlyn would not have wanted to unleash such emotional devastation on her loved ones, the community, and our nation. It would be foolish to speculate whether she would have done things differently, had she known the impact of her death. Most people don't want to end their lives; they just want the pain to stop.
I – her very own father – failed to help my daughter envision a life full of hope. Whatever she may have felt in the moments leading up to her death, I respect her agency whilst disliking her decision.
English (US)