EPHRAIM HARDCASTLE: King Charles offered Sir Keir Starmer a snifter of whisky during their first meeting

King Charles offered Sir Keir Starmer a snifter of whisky, I hear, thinking the new PM might enjoy his audience more after a restorative dram. 

Starmer politely declined the offer. He's rarely associated with frivolity. At Labour's election victory party at Tate Modern, guests were given a voucher for one free drink. 

Old Labour was more fun. Old soaks boast that dinner invitations to its annual seaside conferences read '7 for 9pm' – leaving adequate time for refreshment.

The Starmers will be taking their cat JoJo into No 10, no doubt after a consultation with long-term feline resident Larry. 

Meanwhile, it's rumoured the Starmer children are lobbying for a German Shepherd. 

If so, Sir Keir might seek advice on this when he meets President Joe Biden in Washington today. 

Biden's German pair, Major and Commander, have been accused of terrorising Joe's Secret Service agents.

Highlighting the fate of the planned West End musical version of TV classic Father Ted – it died due to his highly publicised battle with the trans lobby – writer Graham Linehan, pictured, blames Hat Trick Productions boss Jimmy Mulville, saying: 'He would rather scrap the Father Ted musical than admit that men cannot be women – despicable cowardice in the face of mass delusion.

'It's a massive act of cultural vandalism and pre-emptive censorship.'

No doubt Mulville thinks otherwise.

While Labour veterans Harriet Harman, Margaret Hodge, Margaret Beckett and Rosie Winterton can now nestle their bottoms on the red leather benches of the Lords, this prize is withheld from a more distinguished former male colleague. 

Plain Jack Straw served as Lord Chancellor, as well as Foreign Secretary, Home Secretary and Leader of the House. 

The only honour to come his way since retiring is the Freedom of Blackburn, his former constituency. Why the dearth of ermines? Possibly the 2015 'cash for access' allegations against him – although he was subsequently cleared by House authorities.

Reports that the King isn't continuing his mother's interest in racing pigeons has raised fears about her other feathered friends. 

The young Queen Elizabeth began breeding budgerigars at Windsor after receiving a pair as a present. 

There's now a colony of 100 at the castle. They fly free, returning to their aviary at night. Sensitive Charles is said to be unsettled by their dawn-to-dusk chirruping.

Waiting for Spanish player Carlos Alcaraz to play on Centre Court, commentator Tim Henman came up with this pearl of wisdom: 'You can't win this tournament in the first week, but you can lose it.' 

I hope Tim is lavishly rewarded by the BBC for his insightful comments.