Eric Grothe: Footy legend admits he turned to drugs in his playing days and 'did cocaine pretty heavily' as he confesses that he broke up his family by 'chasing girls'

Parramatta Eels icon Eric Grothe has made the eye-opening admission that he faked injuries to get out of playing games and turned to drugs heavily after his footy career was over.

Grothe, 64, is remembered as one of the most intimidating wingers in the game's history, and was part of the Eels' golden era which saw 'Guru' win four premierships, including three in a row from 1981-83.

Now the rugby league hardman has revealed that he was frequently scared during his career and had 'no self esteem'. 

'I played football in a scared way,' he explained on Andy Raymond's Unfiltered podcast.

'It felt like I was little – everyone looked bigger to me. It became worse. I just festered into being uncomfortable, to the point where if it was a Sunday game, on Friday and Saturday nights I'd be thinking I don't want to play Sunday.

'That's why it got to the point when I would fake injuries. It became too much for me, so I opted out. It was a battle I was having inside a lot.

'There were a number of games I pulled out of on Sunday morning. I rang (Eels) doctor (Peter) Manollaras and said, "Pete, I can't play, my knee or ankle is sore". I told him I didn't want to play. Then I'd be happy.

'I did have drugs when I was playing, just your standard marijuana. But I never really escaped myself. You try to run away from yourself. You make excuses. Having a smoke took away from me having to deal with it.

'I learnt a fair bit about depression after going through it. I battled with that. I couldn't find strength to fight it or get over the top of it to see the real picture. I was this mild-­mannered, scared person.'

Grothe says he hid his feelings from friends, family and teammates - and has only found himself in recent years after accepting responsibility for the breakup of his family. 

'I broke my family up, with playing up,' he said.

'And that happened in 90-91 - I think when me and my wife split up.

'I was retired then. I had the two suits again. I was this mild-mannered scared person and this other one that was living off the dream and thinking I was tough.

'The ego, chasing girls and that sort of stuff. I just did the wrong thing. I broke the family up. 

'Everything is good now, but I did those things. I thought of myself before anything else.'

Grothe confessed that he used drugs heavily at times after his career was finished, calling it 'a terrible cycle'. 

'I did cocaine pretty heavily there for a while,' he said.

'I half knew what could happen if I did it too much. It's only fleeting. When you're coming down and lying in bed, you start thinking: 'Why? Why did I do that?'

'Reality kicks in and it gets washed over when you think you're going to have some more.

'It's a terrible cycle. You feel like there's no end to it, but there is, there always is.'