It's Jeremy Clarkson vs the Cotswolds Posh Set: As the former Top Gear presenter plans to convert a Cotswolds pub into an upmarket destination, CHARLOTTE GRIFFITHS says he will have his work cut out competing with the area's A-list rivals...

Following the success of his farming enterprise Diddly Squat, Jeremy Clarkson has bought a Cotswolds village pub, The Windmill in Asthall, for £1 million. 

The former Top Gear star plans to convert it into an upmarket destination – charting his attempts to become a pub landlord in a new TV series. 

But the TV presenter will have his work cut out competing with the area’s A-list rivals... 

Bull, Burford: Zen Zaniness... and a poker table from Idris Elba  

Described as ‘50 shades of cosmopolitan luxury with Zen, zip and zaniness’.

Owner: Matthew Freud, multi-millionaire PR guru, whose ex-wife was Rupert Murdoch’s daughter. Is said to have led a libidinous life, with five children by three different women.

Location: Chi-chi town of Burford, Oxfordshire, ‘Gateway to the Cotswolds’.

Vibe: Freud’s belief that ‘human connection is the most powerful of drugs – the antidote to so much’.

Rooms/Food: 18 bedrooms and four restaurants, including the Hiro restaurant with its 14-course tasting menu. It follows the Japanese Okamase philosophy that diners respectfully allow the chef to decide what’s best. (Only in the Cotswolds can sushi count as country pub fare.) Also has a £90-a-head outdoor barbecue. Thirty-seat dining room, where the food arrives in the middle, and people help themselves.

Price: £210 a night to stay in The Drunk Tank suite with a super king bed, rainfall shower and ‘wonky’ floor.

Flash toys: Poker table donated by Luther actor Idris Elba. A refurbished and monogrammed Land Rover Defender. A bright blue padel court for lovers of the mini-tennis game, and a techno DJ in the garden on Sundays. Works by famous artists adorn the walls, including Andy Warhol, Banksy, Salvador Dali, Damien Hirst and Francis Bacon.

The Highway, Burford: 'Welcome To 'Freud On The World' 

In case we needed more proof the Cotswolds is the new Notting Hill, Matthew Freud, right, has wound down his London club Laylow, and opens his new Cotswolds venture next week.

Owner: Freud is conscious of local gripes that he risks turning Burford into ‘Freud-on-the Wold’. His other venue, Bull, is two doors down. His son George, who will run this one, has worked hard to win over the locals, priced out of Bull. ‘When you get to a certain level of wealth you lose the value of money,’ George quips.

Location: Burford, Oxfordshire.

Vibe: Aiming for authentic Cotswolds, and ‘stripped-back luxury’, Matthew promises it will be ‘truthful to the hardware of the building’. But the tapas served in its Toro restaurant may be less so...

Rooms/food: 11 bedrooms over three floors.

Prices: Freud plans to win the ‘Cotswolds staycation wars’ by offering the cheapest luxury hotel in the area with rooms at a ‘mere’ £220 per night.

Flash toys: Unlike Bull, very deliberately none. Not even TVs in the bedrooms.

Soho Farmhouse, Great Tew: A 'Posh Butlins' for Meghan 

First of London’s private members’ clubs to seek the country life.

Founder: Nick Jones (husband of BBC presenter Kirsty Young) who sold 80 per cent of the club to tycoon Richard Caring.

Location: Great Tew, Oxfordshire, now the ‘Beverly Hills’ of the Cotswolds. Built on the site of a derelict farm and empty cattle shed, it proved so popular that when it opened the Beckhams moved next door.

Vibe: ‘Country retreat for people who would never otherwise go the country,’ says Conde Nast Traveller. Originally dubbed ‘Posh Butlins’ for its corrugated tin buildings, it’s now THE venue to be seen in west of W1. Meghan Markle certainly thought so when she held a two-night hen party here ahead of her wedding to Prince Harry.

Rooms/food: 114 bedrooms, including 20 Farm Huts. Five restaurants, including the Pen Yen that specialises in Japanese izakaya-style dishes seared on a robata grill, alongside buns and sashimi.

Prices: A night’s stay in a Piglet room is £295 – quite a lot for a flimsy wooden camping space shaped like a pig pen.

Flash toys: Vintage electric milk floats transport guests around the 100-acre site. Outdoor pool (heated to 35C all year) is set within a lake.

Estelle Manor: £750 to sleep in the stables 

Rural outpost of celebrity hotspot Maison Estelle in London’s Mayfair.

Owner: Sharan Pasricha, left, the 43-year-old Indian-born CEO of hospitality brand Ennismore whose first foray into business was selling his mum’s sandwiches at primary school. The original lady of the manor was artist and hostess Lady Evelyn Mason, who established a soldiers’ hospital in Mayfair during the First World War.

Location: Eynsham, Oxfordshire.

Rooms/food: The Georgian Grade II-listed manor house in the 85-acre estate cost tens of millions to refurbish. A favourite of London-based oligarchs, Tatler magazine says: ‘Its opulence makes Soho Farmhouse look like a Wetherspoons.’ The Brasserie serves seasonal favourites from Oxford cheddar soufflé and Alaskan king crab, to roasted heirloom cauliflower and beef Wellington. Bread and butter is £5. The Billiards Room offers Chinese dishes and a weekend dim sum brunch.

Treatments: Chei nei tsang, an ancient Chinese stomach massage, will help cure your ‘poor emotional digestion’, while an Ananda facial (meaning ‘pure bliss’ in Sanskrit) promises a glowing complexion. There’s a vast Roman-inspired spa, too.

Price: A night in the woodland cottage is £2,500 or you can sleep in the stables for a ‘bargain’ £750 per night.

Flash toys: Four pastel-colour Land Rover Defenders and four mini Defenders (‘Little Landies’) for children aged two to five. Archery, axe-throwing, and clay pigeon shooting.

Wild Rabbit, Kingham: The Doyenne of Daylesford's pad 

Popular bolthole for DFLs (Down From London-ers).

Owner: Lady Bamford, wife of JCB tycoon Lord Bamford, and doyenne of the Daylesford organic food scene.

Location: Oxfordshire village of Kingham, choked with sandstone cottages and foodie day-trippers.

Vibe: Cotswolds to a T, incorporating wooden beams, exposed stone walls and ivory upholstery.

Rooms/food: Suites named after bunnies, owls and hedgehogs continue the cutesy countryside vibe. The kitchen ‘celebrates traditional British cooking’ such as the £18 rabbit leg starter with pea, mint and Melba toast, or £90 tasting menu.

Treatments: The Club by Bamford, a gym complex where King Charles’s nutritionist Rosemary Ferguson offers advice such as beating a hangover with milk thistle. Guests are encouraged to go on walks, ride pastel-coloured bicycles around the countryside, and there are Land Rover Defenders on site. Wellness guru Chloe Hodgson holds classes on walks called ‘embracing the outdoors’.

Price: A night in the Farmhouse pantry, now a cosy retreat for two, is north of £500. Cottages are £800.

Flash toys: Outdoor gym, so guests can connect with nature.