DEAR JANE: I HATE my boyfriend's awful pet name for me - he's been using it for years and has no idea it makes my skin crawl EVERY time he says it

Dear Jane,

First let me just say, I love my boyfriend, I really do. He’s so wonderful to me in every way possible, which makes me feel so horrible for even bringing this up, but I really need some advice. 

When my boyfriend and I started dating about six years ago, we used to jokingly call each other by all kinds of stupid pet names. Donut, babes, honey pot… anything and everything that we could think of that would make the other person laugh. 

If either of us was having a bad day, that’s the joke we’d turn to so they’d forget about it.

Which is why I somehow missed when my boyfriend introduced an actual nickname that he’s been using every day since the earliest months of our relationship. And I despite it.

For whatever reason, it makes my skin crawl any time he says it. I find myself having to swallow back my cringe before I can even turn to face him whenever he calls, ‘pookie pie’ across the room. Pookie pie! 

What kills me is that it’s perhaps the most ridiculous of all the nicknames we ever jokingly exchanged, yet somehow that’s the one that stuck.

Initially, I really did think he was saying it to be funny, but then it slowly dawned on me (perhaps far too late) that it wasn’t a joke, and that he intended to keep on using it. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of something so small, so I tried to get over it and just embrace it as another one of our sweet traditions.

But to this day, I can’t get over the  ick I feel whenever he says it.

Our relationship is so wonderful in every other way – to the point where I now think he’s going to propose any day, but even that joyful moment is somewhat tainted by the fear that he could get down on one knee and say, ‘Pookie pie will you marry me?’

Is there any way that I can bring this up to him without sounding like a crazy person after all these years?

From,

Nickname Nightmare

Dear Nickname Nightmare,

I sympathize with the ick you feel, but have no idea why on earth you have let this go on for so long without saying anything. I’m wondering what has stopped you from telling him you don’t like it, and that what started out as a joke is no longer funny.

Communication is the single most important factor in the success of a relationship. Speaking out about the things that make us uncomfortable, the things we don’t like, is crucial. 

When we keep it to ourselves, worried about hurting someone, worried about people’s feelings, we end up with a small mound of resentment, that builds and builds until it becomes a mountain that is insurmountable.

Say what you mean, mean what you say, don’t say it mean. 

Sit him down and tell him that it was funny when it felt ironic, but now it feels uncomfortable, and the two of you need to find another name.

Wishing you luck!