KENNEDY: My surprising trip to Pennsylvania that proved who is REALLY surging in the swing states

In a crowded Pennsylvania comedy club last weekend, an exasperated woman with a perma-knit brow and an ax to grind pushed her way through the crowd to ask me: 'How do you sleep at night?'

I braced. Normally when someone confronts me like this the subtext is: 'You know, working for Fox News, the Evil Empire that helped elect the guy who is Literally Hitler!'

But to my surprise, this Pennsylvanian lass was different. 

She was a worried Trump supporter who'd bought a ticket to see my latest comedy gig (mostly an outlet to share filthy stories from my time in the 90s working at MTV) and was worried stiff about the prospect of a Kamala presidency.

Between tales of run-ins with Rudy Giuliani (you'll have to buy a ticket to find out) and sharing a coffin with Dave Navarro (ditto!), I seasoned the show with some good-natured, bi-partisan political ribbing appropriate to a tightly contested swing state like Pennsylvania.

But during the Q&A portion at the end of my set, it was notable how many people in the crowd (a spicy mix of Daily Mail and Fox News fans, along with nostalgic Gen-X MTV lovers) wanted to keep talking about politics – and, more importantly, what they had to say with near-unanimous vigor.

Each person who spoke up was mortally afraid of the future, as though one of 45's favorite frothing catchphrases was on loop in their collective heads: 'Our country is being lost, we're a failing nation.'

To listen to the Harris campaign and her left-wing media lackeys is to believe that the rivers of battlegrounds like Pennsylvania are running royal blue.

But as I drove in from New York on the PA Turnpike, I passed miles and miles of neon billboards – not campaign affiliated – hailing a second Trump presidency.

Stopping in a McDonalds outside the borough of Pottstown, diners were abuzz with pro-Trump talk.

And it was the same story in a nail salon I visited, and the dive bars and the cafes and malls. 

Whisper it – but PA is surging to DJT.

Don't take my word for it. The last polling average by RealClearPolitics now puts Trump and Harris at a dead tie in Pennsylvania – a state that, just weeks ago, Cackles had all but tied up.

Meanwhile, a bombshell New York Times/Siena College survey of the key Sun Belt states (Arizona, Georgia, North Carolina) last week put Trump ahead – by some margin. (Five points in Arizona and four in Georgia).

House Democrat Elissa Slotkin sounded the alarm in Michigan, warning donors that internal polling shows Harris is now 'underwater' in her state, according to a clip leaked to Axios this week.

The New York Times has Kamala only one point up among likely voters in the Mitten State, which is a far narrower margin than those enjoyed by both Hillary and Sleepy Joe at the same juncture in their respective races.

With such a close race coming fast down the turnpike, I can't imagine either candidate will be getting much sleep at night…

Melania baby bombshell 

Former (and perhaps future) FLOTUS Melania Trump has politicos in raptures because the Slovenian sphinx has come out in support… of abortion!

'Restricting a woman's right to choose whether to terminate an unwanted pregnancy is the same as denying her control over her own body. I have carried this belief with me throughout my entire adult life,' Mel writes in her new memoir.

DC Dems scream that this pro-choice stance is a slap in the face to her ball-and-chain, who loves to gloat about how he helped overturned Roe v. Wade.

But what if it's a stroke of presidential brilliance – helping to soften a harsh and divisive debate?

Trump already has the evangelical vote locked up (they'll never turn out for Commie-La) so why not throw a sop to the fence-sitting pro-choicers.

Harry goes it alone 

Why does Harry shine so bright when the missus is out of sight?

The Gingerbread Prince graced Gotham ahead of the UN General Assembly last week, ditching his tie and Meghan (said to be sick at home) to shmooze with fellow do-gooders.

The King and Queen of Santa Barbara were famously 'chased' by paparazzi during another New York trip. That 'relentless' pursuit was described by a Sussex spokesperson as 'near catastrophic'.

The only thing that travels faster than 5mph in gridlocked Manhattan during UN Week is Harry's mouth when he's blabbing about his latest worthy cause.

Podcast playoff

When I checked Spotify's rankings of the top podcasters in America last week, they included: #1 Joe Rogan, #2 Tucker Carlson, #3 Candace Owens, and #4 the Hawk Tuah girl.

If they had to pair up boy-girl-boy-girl in an all-out brawl, my money is on Joe and Hawk Tuah annihilating Tucker and Candy. A girl can dream!

Poor pups!

Nepo-baby Brooklyn Beckham and his bridezilla Nicola Peltz are suing a dog groomer over what their lawsuit describes as 'malicious abuse' leading to the death of their beloved Chihuahua.

So why are this talentless pair engaging in a new form of animal cruelty by dyeing the fur of their white Bolognese dogs pink, purple and orange?

Vogue's gone rogue

Vogue has taken issue with author Sally Rooney's hit new novel, Intermezzo, because her characters are too 'thin'.

'The thinness isn't explicitly glamorized, but it's ubiquitous enough to feel like a prerequisite for sensuality,' writer Emma Specter opines.

What laughable guff coming out of Wintour Palace, an organization that single-handedly – and proudly – launched millions of eating disorders across the globe. 

Clinging on to youth

'Fifty Shades of Grey' director Sam Taylor-Johnson (57) may know a thing or two about softcore porn, but recent holidays snaps of the athletic cougar desperately clutching her much-younger husband, Aaron Taylor-Johnson (34), have left me feeling rather frigid.

Her talons are dug so deep into his naked torso you'd think he's about to be whisked away and devoured by rabid teens.

As for their 23-year age gap, you know what they say: Age ain't nothin' but a massive, astonishingly large number.

Chappell Moan 

Drag-tastic synth-popper Chappell Roan has been harangued by fans for canceling two festival gigs just hours before she was due to perform, citing mental health issues.

'I apologize to people who have been waiting to see me… things have gotten overwhelming,' she said.

I feel for Roan as she buckles under meteoric stardom. But things might also be overwhelming for the cash-strapped normies who spent hundreds on tickets and lodging only to be cheated out of a great weekend.