KENNEDY: We all know why blubbery bistro blowhard Keith McPiggy branded perpetual trout-pout Lauren Sanchez 'revolting'...

Salty restaurateur/rancid pig Keith McNally is at it again… embarking on another anti-snobbery crusade.

Unfortunately for the blubbery Baron of Balthazar, this one boomeranged back to the kitchen faster than an off-menu chicken tartare.

In a seething late-night Instagram rant, McPiggy attacked Amazon-WAG Lauren Sanchez out of nowhere, writing: 'Does anybody else find Jeff Bezos' new wife [sic] – Lauren Sanchez – ABSOLUTELY REVOLTING?'

'What an ugly and F***ing SMUG–LOOKING couple they make,' he frothed on. 'Is this what having 1000 Billion dollars [sic] does to people?'

I'll tell you what's revolting: This bougie clam-slinger's obsession with Mrs. Almost Bezos.

Maybe the rosacea has turned him mad with jealous rage. Maybe he's a lonely leprechaun looking for his four-leafed clover (divorced since 2018). But McNally's sordid smears have now sagged lower than his man teats.

He's posted pic after sumptuous pic of Lauren's sensual blowup doll lips, overflowing water balloons and curvy hip meat.

No doubt McNasty wishes he had such a primed and plumped dame as his catch of the day.

But a man – who looks to me like the extruded byproduct of a blasphemous union of a sloth and Gru – should probably put the insults on a simmer.

After all, this rumpled social climber has made a fortune running the most elite restaurants in New York City by catering to the rich and famous from Anna Wintour to Leonardo DiCaprio. But Lauren and Jeff aren't good enough for him?

Sure, the soon-to-be Bezoses flaunt their ample assets – as well as their wealth.

Jeff's $500 million yacht features a strikingly familiar, curvaceous goddess as its figurehead. Sanchez once said her diamond engagement rock was so big that she nearly blacked out upon seeing it, which explains her state of perpetual lip-pursing (sucking in breaths to stay conscious). And yes, her barely there displays at White House shindigs are curiously unpresidential.

It's also true that everyone cheered for Mr. Fancy Eatery when he famously banned corpulent clown James Corden from his restaurants after the British import reportedly threw an omeletian hissy fit at an underpaid server. Even though Cantankerous Corden later apologized, he was due his comeuppance.

But what did poor Lozza do other than smother social media to death with her impossible frame?

Her silicone grace in the face of this uncalled for drive-by – simply urging fans to 'lead with kindness' – kept it classy. And now the yolks on McNally's butternut-squash face.

Apparently shamed, he crawled back to Insta on Tuesday night – posting a promotion for his upcoming memoir. The title is 'I Regret Almost Everything'.

'I wrote the first line in a loony bin in Massachusetts in August 2018,' he said. 'And the last line on Thompson Street in NYC last night.'

Boo-hoo-bad-mouth, you can shove your book-plug-cum-apology where the Listerine don't reach.

This bad-bistro blowhard's tirades have gone far too stale.

Sydney swine 

Speaking of sour critics. Hollywood fossil Carol Baum tried to dump on the It Girl this week.

The 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer' producer trashed busty ingenue Sydney Sweeny saying she 'is not pretty and can't act', which has never stopped the likes of Sarah Jessica Parker, Amy Schumer or Baum's protégé Kristy Swanson.

I know Baum has been around since before Olivier started acting, but leave the femme-bashing to the frat houses, hun!

Trump's courtroom bazookas

Joe Biden's cheerleaders think they've finally got Trump right where they want him – off the campaign trail, in a Manhattan courtroom and dozing at the defense table.

Oh, how wrong they are! What's more relatable than an under-slept man falling asleep in public?

This corrupt case, cooked up by woke DA Alvin Bragg, wouldn't have been brought against anyone not named Donald John Trump. Our billionaire ex-prez comes off looking like more of an Average Joe than Amtrak Joe.

Dapper Don isn't worried. He knows his optics. So, he's also cloaking himself in something that never goes out of style: hot chicks.

Meet Trump's secret courtroom bazookas, the Trumpettes.

There's leggy blonde and former cable news host Natalie Harp, who credits Trump with Christ-like policy powers for signing a law that helped her get experimental cancer treatment after traditional chemotherapy failed her – twice.

She's just one sexy arrow in Trump's crowded quiver. Nestled next to her is an equally stunning counterpart, communications goddess – and Melania-look alike – Margo Martin.

I bet a potential juror or two might think, 'if he's hanging with babes like that, he can't be that bad!'

Then came the chef's kiss. As soon as court was out of session Tuesday, the high priest of political stuntery hightailed it uptown to the bodega where, in 2022, clerk Jose Alba fought off a violent thief – and fatally knifed his attacker.

Bragg charged Alba with murder and tossed him in the hoosegow – before a public outcry forced the DA to drop the charges.

Tumbleweed!

Coachella is now the Nickelback of festivals.

The desert rave – once a mecca for music fans – has descend into a played-out parade of ridiculously over-filtered, over-privileged Gen-Z influencers who couldn't tell Daft Punk from Doja Cat.

Last weekend, Blur-frontman Damon Albarn spoke for us all when he seethed at all the TikTok junkies staring at their own iPhone reflections.

'You're never seeing us again so you might as well f***ing sing it!' he threatened the distracted crowd as his band played their iconic hit 'Girls & Boys' (which I would punch my dead grandma to see live).

Santa Barbara snobbery 

Señor Spare, ever the man of the people, was at a charity polo match in Florida on Friday giving a sneak peek of his new Netflix show.

Yes, you heard right, Prince Harry will delve into the world of professional polo – the sport 98.8 percent of Americans are actively uninterested in.

Are those streaming giant execs still high on Coachella shrooms? Who wants to binge-watch people playing croquet on horseback?

What's more, is this 'sport of kings' not a little Santa Barbara-snobbish, everything H&M deign to hate?

Perhaps Me-First Megs was too busy to notice as she rolled out the first product of her new brand, American Riveria Orchard.

It's jam!! So exciting that Trump woke up.

Pass Go... collect $1bn

Australian screen-queen Margot Robbie has found quite a lane exploiting beloved children's pastimes.

She's now co-producing a movie based on Monopoly, presumably hoping to strike it rich again like she did with her billion-dollar Barbie windfall.

She really has a monocle for marketable movie property! Maybe she can team up with Prince Harry for a My Little Pony/polo collab?

Sperm for sale

What if you're not manned up but still wanna be a mom and can't afford the traditional sperm donation and IVF route?

A new book – exclusively reported by the Mail – reveals many have turned to the knock-off dark-market to meet their babymaker.

Women looking to procreate-on-a-budget are often forced to roll the dice in seedy motels and public restrooms, hoping these Mr Right Creeps will provide a brighter future.

Sheesh! Modern romance is an utter nightmare!