SAUCY SECRETS: I did the 'unthinkable' after my best friend left her birthday party. Now I am keeping a huge secret from her - do I say anything?

Dear Jana,

A month ago, at a close friend's birthday party, things took an unexpected turn. She ended up getting pretty wasted and left early. I found myself chatting with her crush, *Jake. What started as a casual conversation quickly turned into a connection, and we ended up going home together that night. We both felt an undeniable spark, but in the spirit of loyalty, we agreed to keep things under wraps.

Fast forward to today, and we can't seem to stop talking! We've been texting non-stop and I genuinely think there's something special between us, but I'm torn. I don't want to hurt my friend especially since I know how much she likes him. It feels unfair to keep this secret, but what if *Jake is 'the one' for me?

What should I do? Should I end things with Jake for the sake of our friendship, or is there a way to navigate this without losing either?

Thanks for your help!

Cushla 

Dear Cushla,

Ah, the classic 'friendship vs. crush' conundrum! I was in a similar situation not long ago, and it made me feel like a dirty, rotten scoundrel. However… I'm going to say something that may not be popular, but it's true: you need to pick the bloke over your friend.

Here's why: As we get older, we discover how tricky it can be to find a true match. Sadly, they don't just grow on trees. While friends come and go, we don't often get many opportunities to experience true romantic love. So, when it comes your way, I think you've got to really go for it.

Let's be honest, there's a fair chance your friend will be upset for a while, but he's not her property. Sheesh, if I called dibs on all my crushes, I'd be fighting with everyone!

Sure, we've all heard the saying 'sisters before misters' blah blah blah. That's fine if you're okay with risking becoming a spinster, but you have to think about what you want in the long term. Yes, it sucks that your friend likes him, but it sounds like the feeling isn't mutual.

I remember a very similar situation when I was at university. Guess what? The 'bad' friend is now married with three kids to the bloke our other friend thought she 'stole' him from.

So, what do you do? Here's a plan: have a heart-to-heart with Jake. Tell him you're feeling conflicted and see if he thinks there's potential for something long-term, or if this is just a flirtation. If he's keen to explore things further, then, I hate to say it, but you'll need to tell your friend.

Sit her down, pour her a big glass of wine (big!), and frame it with care. Tell her you've developed feelings for Jake but emphasize how much you value her and your friendship. If she's a true friend, she'll appreciate your honesty - even if it stings a little at first.

Honestly, soap operas have nothing on real life dramas!

Dear Jana,

I have worked hard on my career and now earn a great salary. I've recently rejoined the dating apps after a long hiatus and I'm matching with guys who make a lot less money than me. It's giving me the ick. Where do you find men who are single and making good money? I really don't want to date down.

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Get that money, honey! But that's, sadly, where my support stops.

What you're focusing on is ridiculous. You're prioritising what they bring to your mutual bank account, rather than what they bring to your heart.

Girl, shouldn't you be going on dates and collecting data like: How does this man make me feel? Is he attentive, smart, and kind? And sure, does he give me those 'fanny flutters'?

There's something ick about YOU. Trying to scout for guys with wads of cash is kind of gross.

Sure, I understand why driven men might be seen as a catch, but if your criteria is strictly 'must make good money,' you'll be competing with young supermodels, influencers, and gold diggers.

Thanks to your own personal goals and drive, you've set yourself up for a comfortable life. Well done! So how about changing your way of thinking and finding someone who makes you feel loved and cherished, not just well-fed?

You would hate it if you found out guys were dating you just for your cash, so I'm afraid it goes both ways. Change your priorities, girl. I know many fabulously successful women who have 'dated down,' and what they've gained in return are wonderfully healthy relationships.

Dear Jana,

I got married a few weeks ago and it was the best day of my life. The Hens party, the lead up, the actual day. I've never been the centre of attention, and for a special moment in time I felt so seen. I'm now legitimately struggling with being out of the spotlight. How do I get that same rush without turning into a show pony or narcissist? Is it just me who has felt low after their wedding day?

Sarah

Dear Sarah,

Oh, how addictive the spotlight can be! I remember waking up the day after my recent birthday party and thinking, 'Oh, that's it?' Months of organizing the perfect outfit, the perfect playlist, a curated guest list, and speeches that made me feel like a million dollars - all leading up to a brief moment of celebration, and then back to reality. Boring.

There's a reason big sports stars get the blues at the end of their careers when the applause and god-like status fade away. They're faced with the reality of a normal life - one that doesn't involve being worshipped or celebrated. I've worked with many of them throughout the years, and it's not fun watching them fall from favour. They quickly learn that there will always be a younger, fitter player ready to take their spot once the aging process kicks in. Or in your case, another wedding to celebrate.

The fall from that big pedestal we've put ourselves on can be brutal!

So no, it's not just you; we all experience the 'Where's my spotlight?' syndrome at some point. It sounds like you need to pick up a hobby that guarantees attention. I'm thinking stand-up comedy, karaoke, or public speaking - whatever floats your boat! Just make sure it's something that lets you show off a bit without requiring a full entourage.

It also seems you know how to throw a good party, so why not find excuses to host more of them? Start planning an outrageous Christmas party or get a head start on your next birthday celebration. Having events to look forward to - especially ones you can host - might be just the trick to shake off those blues.

Can I come?