The time has come to gather, stand in our strength, find our voices, speak our truths and brace for impact, because Meghan Markle may be about to go nuclear.
Yes, those pricey travertine tiles are shifting tectonically in Montecito. Increasingly, it seems, Harry isn't happy.
He has done the unthinkable this week, traveling to New York City and participating in events surrounding the UN General Assembly, dinners and galas and symposiums – all without Meghan.
Our duchess, some have said, is too sick to join, which must be frustrating for a woman who thrives in any spotlight, who will accept any award, no matter how meaningless — even if she must enter through a rental-car office to collect it.
But it might also be true that Harry, famously called 'thick' by his own mother, is finally catching on.
He seems to be making a break for it, aware that the Hollywood experiment — really, the Meghan experiment — has failed.
And who would blame him?
The time has come to gather, stand in our strength, find our voices, speak our truths and brace for impact, because Meghan Markle may be about to go nuclear. Increasingly, it seems, Harry isn't happy.
He seems to be making a break for it, aware that the Hollywood experiment - really, the Meghan experiment - has failed. And who would blame him?
The Hollywood Reporter, earlier this month, published a bruising piece declaring that the industry was 'quitting on Harry and Meghan', fed up not so much by an apparent lack of talent or work ethic, but with the duchess's reported rudeness.
It also painted a brutal picture of life chez Sussex.
'Absolutely relentless,' one source said of Meghan. 'She marches around like a dictator in high heels, fuming and barking orders. I've watched her reduce grown men to tears.'
What could she be ranting about — stale preserves? Calls to Oprah going to voicemail?
This report came weeks after the Sussexes lost their new chief of staff, Josh Kettler, who quit in August after just three months on the job – becoming one of at least 18 staff who have left the couple's employ since 2018.
Meghan is currently represented by WME's Ari Emanuel, a man so powerful he could surely have had The Hollywood Reporter story killed. Alas, he did not.
Emanuel also threw a huge Emmys bash two weeks ago. Meghan Markle was nowhere to be seen.
A woman whose entire raison d'être is fame has been absent from the Oscars and the Met Gala. Nor has she been to state dinners at the White House, the Olympics, or front row at Paris Fashion Week.
A source close to Harry and Meghan has, of course, denied the Hollywood Reporter's claims. But the outlet's Co-Editor in Chief Maer Roshan told Access Hollywood this week that 'our reporter talked to a very high up source who works for the couple and said, 'Everyone is terrified of Meghan'.'
The call is coming from inside the house!
Meanwhile, Harry's 40th birthday last week, spent in Montecito, was said to be quite lonely.
The few friends he still has remain in Britain. He doesn't fit into Meghan's showbiz world, nor does he apparently care to.
He had reportedly planned to mark his landmark birthday, which has surely evoked some existential soul-searching, on a getaway with a few pals — no Meghan.
The saddest detail: Harry is said to count his personal bodyguard, David Langdown, among his best friends.
'He and Harry are very close, very tight,' a source told the Mail. 'Thick as thieves.'
Harry's 40th birthday last week, spent in Montecito, was said to be quite lonely.
Langdown's services command a handsome paycheck. If Harry's closest friend in the U.S. is on the payroll — how grim.
And then there are the continued struggles of Brand Sussex's business ventures.
Meghan's American Riviera Orchard, clumsily launched amid a global frenzy over Kate Middleton's ill health in March, has yet to produce more than a few jars of jam and sundry Instagram posts from the likes of Mindy Kaling and Chrissy Teigen.
Meghan's ARO trademark application, which surely should have been on the approval track before she launched, was denied a few weeks ago.
It all lends more credence to the belief that all is not well in Montecito.
Simultaneously, Netflix is said to have no plans to renew the couple's reported $100 million deal. Harry's 2023 Invictus doc was one of the streamer's biggest bombs of the year.
Lemonada picked up Meghan's 'Archetypes' podcast back in February, yet no new episodes are expected until sometime in 2025.
These professional embarrassments further erode the damage done by the Oprah interview, 'Spare', and Harry and Meghan's constant rebranding.
To wit: When it was announced that Harry would receive ESPN's Pat Tillman award — named after the NFL star killed while serving in Afghanistan — Tillman's mother was outraged.
'I am shocked,' Mary Tillman told the Mail. '[Harry] publicly disrespected his family, ran away from service to his country as a royal… He is unworthy of this award.'
This constellation of losses is undeniable. What other escape route does Harry — a grown man whose only real job has ever been as a working royal — have but to seek reconciliation, and some form of return to his old life?
And it does seem that Harry and King Charles's relationship is moving, albeit slowly, towards healing.
For the first time in three years, the Palace posted a 'happy birthday' wish to Harry on his 40th — a wish reposted by William and Kate's official account.
Were the Waleses strongly encouraged to do so? Perhaps.
After all, William and Harry reportedly haven't spoken in over two years, even though they both attended the funeral of their maternal uncle, Lord Fellowes, at the end of August.
Still, that gesture from William and Kate is quite revealing.
For his part, Harry has reportedly pulped a planned 'update' for the paperback edition of 'Spare', due out next month. In place of new bombshells comes an uncharacteristic display of restraint.
Now: Will the world soon forget Harry's frostbitten todger, salved with his mother's favorite face cream? Of course not! Nor will the dog bowl, the broken necklace and South Park's 'Worldwide Privacy Tour' ever be erased from the collective consciousness.
But it is a tentative sign that Harry hopes to put it all in the rearview – and the remainder bin.
If the prodigal prince really does want back into the royal fold, however, if the transatlantic emotional icecaps were to thaw and Harry were to be welcomed home – even for some part-time work – where does that leave his wife?
It does seem that Harry and King Charles's relationship is moving, albeit slowly, towards healing. But where does that leave Meghan?
Meghan, it's quite clear, does not wish to return to the UK. Nor would she be welcome.
There's no escaping, then, that a reconciliation, in any form, would in some ways be Harry's admittance that his real life and purpose are in his homeland, within the royal family, who surely aren't the monsters Meghan has claimed.
Otherwise, how could he return to a family and a way of life that, Meghan said, nearly drove her to kill herself? That leaving for America was Harry's way of saving her?
And how would she ever spin her husband's royal reconciliation as anything other than a repudiation of Mexgit – a humiliation?
This is dangerous territory indeed.
We all know how Meghan handles criticism. She is not a woman who likes to lose.
After all, she's often cast herself as Diana 2.0 — a rebel meant to remake, if not destroy, the royals.
She knows where all the bodies are buried. And if scorned, she might be quick to exhume them.