Tori Spelling told Dean McDermott she was filing for divorce in the middle of recording her PODCAST - as star says she's 'never felt more alone' after devastating marital split

Tori Spelling has broken her silence after filing for divorce from husband Dean McDermott, 57, on her new podcast - and revealed she broke the devastating news to him midway through recording.

The MISSPELLING host, 50, who filed for divorce from McDermott, 57, on Friday after 18 years of marriage and a 10 month separation, spoke about the negative thoughts running through her head March 29.

The star called Dean on her podcast with fans hearing her speaking on the phone to him and announcing her decision to file for divorce.

She added the filing was a formality and added she was annoyed he had publicly spoken about their divorce - before bizarrely signing off the call with 'love you.' 

Elsewhere on the podcast, the star said: 'I've never felt more alone.'

'I don’t feel worth loving. That’s the truth. And that’s something that’s just in you, it’s not something I wanted or created,' she said, revealing she experienced those feeling for a long time. 

'That starts when you’re young. [And changing it], that's not easy to do.... I don't know if you can.'

The former Beverly Hills 90210 star then called her estranged husband and left a message, letting him know that she had begun the procedure to dissolve their union.

'There’s this weird thing that I didn’t know about before that you have to be careful with your ex. It’s a he-said, she-said, who filed first,' she explained.

'I had to file and go through the process and then once it was accepted and publicly posted, then I’m allowed to call and fill in my ex. So I just called Dean,' the Scary Movie 2 alum explained. 

'He’s working and I have to tell him and I’m super nervous because I don’t like confrontation.'

Spelling went on to say she wished she had taken the steps toward divorce for 'like... 15 years.' 

'We always say, 'Hey, it made it 18 years.' It shouldn’t have made it 18 years,' the High School Crimes and Misdemeanors star contended, revealing she had stayed to protect McDermott and her children. 

'And I think he would say the same thing if he and I had a real heart-to-heart. It would have been over a lot sooner.'

The couple met on the set of the TV movie Mind Over Murder in 2005.

There was an instant connection, although both were already married.

'We had this very, quick, passionate falling in love period,' the actress said, describing it as a 'fast and furious romance.'

She praised McDermott for letting her be herself. 'I just remember I could show him me.' 

Continuing, she explained, 'It wasn’t like, the cute like, giggly, "this is what people want me to be." I was able to be like, loud and like ugh, body-type of Tori. I could have like, I could have a fowl mouth,' she claimed.

'I’m not just Donna Martin, the perfect good girl. I could have some bad girl in me and it was okay. And he liked all those sides and he liked how smart I was and accepted me.'

The pair wed in May 2006 and welcomed son Liam in 2007. 

Their family quickly grew and the former couple became parents to Stella, 15, Hattie, 12, Finn, 11 and Beau, seven. 

'Honestly, our relationship was never the same after we started having kids,' the single mom said 

'We always said, "We won’t be those parents that change. We’ll make sure we make our relationship a priority, the two of us. We have date nights." And everything went out the window. I became completely focused on the kids and kind of left him, in a way.' 

While focusing on parenthood, the Izzy's Way Home star said 'Our relationship definitely changed where I really felt like I was in this alone with the kids.' 

'And he was there, but he was an extra set of hands. He put the car seat in because I didn’t know how to do it and things like that. Emotionally, I was it. Like, "Tag, you’re it." I was the parent.'

The couple began supporting themselves via a series of reality shows that began with Tori & Dean: Inn Love in 2007 in which they operated a bed and breakfast .

The star said 'It was a lot of responsibility while also rebuilding a career — which I did. We became a family brand. I went from Hollywood rich girl... to like, cool mom. "Look at her. She does it all." Meanwhile, behind the scenes, it was all falling apart.' 

To live up to the image they had created for the world to see, Spelling said she 'created the character of Dean,' to turn him into 'all those Prince Charmings I wanted when I was young.'

'He had a lot of those qualities. But… you know… We did our reality show and the first one was like, ‘Fun, fun.’ So any bad stuff that would happen or fights or anything, they would edit,' she  said of the process to protect the brand.

'Women everywhere, I would hear, ‘I wish I had a Dean.’ And I was like, ‘If you only knew…"'