What in the world is Trump doing with Loony Laura Loomer? KENNEDY's PURR-fect theory about Don's attraction to the 9/11 Truther - who's on a fast track to becoming a catlady

Something is LOOM-ing over Donald Trump's presidential campaign.

Yes, I'm talking about conspiracy theorist/race-baiter/MAGA roadie/evil-eyebrow aficionado Laura Loomer.

This woman could put a kid with a nut allergy into anaphylactic shock from a country-mile away and should be nowhere near a man who wants to be president.

Yet, this 9/11 'Truther,' who dubbed herself a 'proud Islamaphobe,' (make sense of that!) was seen disembarking Trump's plane in Philadelphia before Tuesday's ABC News debate, joined his team backstage at the event and then again in Shanksville, Pennsylvania on September 11!

Loomer is so looney tunes that even Space-laser lover Marjorie Taylor Greene called her out for being 'appalling and extremely racist.'

Well, Don. With good pals like Laura, who needs the Presidency, huh? 

Because that's sure how this is starting to look.

With seven weeks to go to Election Day, there isn't a damaging distraction that Trump won't grab with both his tiny hands.

By Friday night, Trump was belated rowing back from The Loomonster.

'I disagree with the statements she made but, like the many millions of people who support me, she is tired of watching the Radical Left Marxists and Fascists violently attack and smear me,' Trump posted on Truth Social.

Good. Now, disavow claims about 'cat-eating.'

Honestly, what is up with the GOP ticket's feline obsession?

J.D. Vance once claimed that our great nation was being run by 'a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they've made and so they want to make the rest of the country miserable, too.'

Meow!

Then, at the debate, Trump threw kerosene on an unverified, third-hand Facebook yarn out of Springfield, Ohio about a 'neighbor's daughter's friend' who lost her kitty and found it dangling from a tree ready to be eaten by Haitian migrants.

One might assume it would be a good idea to vet a flammable story like this. Instead, Trump, made it the cherry on top of his migrant-crime sundae.

'They're eating the dogs. They're eating the cats. They're eating the pets of the people that live there,' he said of Springfield's alleged Haitian cat-ibals.

Look, I can't say that Loomer planted that ridiculous line in Trump's 'very, very large brain,' but I'll bet she didn't pry him off that scratching post either.

If there's anyone on a fast track to cat-ladydom, it's Loony Loomer. (You can smell the soiled Fresh Step from here!) 

But for the life of me, I can't figure out why Trump seems to be along for the ride.

Over the Feder-line

Britney Spears's youngest son that she shares with Kevin Federline, Jayden, turned 18 this week.

How quickly he grew!

I'm talking about Big Daddy Kevin's love handles, of course.

The former Justin Timberlake backup dancer is now the size of a small Oldsmobile.

DailyMail.com exclusively reported this week that Spears's paid K-Overfed an estimated $5 million in child support payments over the last 17 years.

Now that Jayden is 18 that gravy train has stopped, which is actually good for K-Fat.

He's had enough gravy.

Nepos on parade

Hunter Biden used daddy's title to trick foreign boobs into giving him lucrative lobbying contracts and $80,000 diamonds.

Jack Schlossberg relied on his Kennedy blood to score a gig cosplaying a political correspondent at Vogue.

And now Ella Emhoff gets to play runway model because of her beloved, step-Momala.

Our armpit-haired hipster dominated New York Fashion Week with creative looks such as an I Heart NY T-shirt (that very well may have ripped off a homeless man in Times Square) and a dainty floral Tory Burch dress that showcased her heavily tatted legs.

Burch please.

Poo Lighter

There goes my hero.

Another rockstar couldn't keep his drum stick in his skinny jeans.

Foo Fighters lead vocalist Dave Grohl admitted this week that he has, 'recently become the father of a new baby daughter, born outside of my marriage.'

Now, Dave's ex from the 90's, punk rocker Jenniefer Finch, re-emerged to defend him, claiming Grohl's actually a great family man.

He better be - because he's got two!

Shannon Dull

NFL great Shannon Sharpe has finally fessed up after his Instagram account livestreamed two grunty minutes of a man and woman who sounded like they were having a tough time changing a heavy tire.

'I wasn't hacked… it was me being a healthy, active male,' he admitted Wednesday night.

'Obviously, I'm embarrassed,' he said. 'People count on Shannon.'

Hey, Shannon... what's truly mortifying is referring to yourself in the third person.

Statue of Limitations

When I saw a new statue of Mrs Doubtfire in Northern Ireland, I thought, 'I didn't know Robin Williams was Irish.'

Then, it dawned on me.

That's supposed to be Queen Elizabeth II.

Her late Majesty is portrayed next to a stiff Prince Phillip (who looks like an ungreased Tin Man) and a couple of corgis (which may be cats in dog drag).

Swift-thinking

Taylor Swift put on her sparkliest pair of big girl pants and bravely came out on Instagram to… endorse Kamala Harris.

How courageous and convenient.

Her post hit moments after Harris gave Trump a sharp cackling at Tuesday's debate.

Miss Americana doesn't back losers. Better keep catching those balls, Travis.

Smeared in her signature scarlet lipstick and clutching her emotional support cat, TayTay penned 'I've done my research, and I've made my choice.'

Then, she went on to praise, Wily Tim Walz for standing up for 'IVF.'

I wish someone would fact check this childless catlady's post (although, NOT the ABC News debate moderators).

While Representative Swift (D-IVA) is Insta-praising a fibbing Walz's make-believe fertility journey, Trump has actually come out in favor of publicly subsidized IVF.

It seems, Taylor, your 'research' is as shoddy as your romantic track record.

Musky

Elon is at it again, offering his billionaire sperm to a fellow member of the three-comma club.

In an odd post a few hours after T-Swizzle endorsed Mamala, Musk offered to make her childless no more, posting on Twitter: 'Fine Taylor…you win…I will give you a child and guard your cats with my life.'

Fortunately for Travis, $250 billion can't buy rizz!